My 10 Proven Secrets + Strategies for Moving On After a Breakup❤️🩹
🔐Unlocking your Heart to Love Again
Hello Pleasurista,
I hope you’re smiling today and living in a beautiful state! ♡
I just got back to LA after being abroad for a month and it feels great to be back home before I take off again for another month to the Caribbean!
I will be spending Valentine’s day with my beloved on a tropical island as we celebrate our 2nd V-day together. I am in an amazing, loving, sexy partnership of my dreams where we just can’t get enough of one another- it is EXACTLY as I mapped out in my Ideal Love Life Vision which is a whole process I teach my 1:1 clients when we work together in one of my mentorship programs. Before making this very conscious choice to enter into a committed relationship I was having a mad love affair with myself for years - about 4 years to be exact while still enjoying the spices + flavors of men I was dating but none of them fit the bill to be a partner. I have spent many years enjoying Valentines a day spoiling myself with roses, dinners, and treats, and even letting men take me out on dates. This may sound all rosey keen but I WANT TO SHARE with you that in the total of my 6 years of singlehood, the first 2 years were brutally rough on my heart as I was healing from the deepest heartache I had ever experienced.
Breakups can be a difficult and very emotional experience.
For me, there were days when I couldn’t even get out of bed because my emotions had heavily high-jacked my nervous system. Over months it got better x better but as I was IN the thick of IT - I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel even though my brain knew there is always light at the end - my heart was bleeding with so much pain- pain from this break up yes, but it was the pain of all my past heartaches that I never allowed myself to fully heal.
It's natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, rage, disgust, confusion and hurt.
When we go through a break up we don’t feel like the 1st and BEST choice which hits up against our inner wounds of feeling not enough…not valued enough, not powerful enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough……fill in the blank____ ❌
However, it's important to remember that it IS possible to move on and heal from a breakup. I am living proof that not only you can move on and heal - but you can magnetize a relationship that’s 100x better FOR YOU, and juicier than you have ever known before by feeling the pain and moving beyond it to unlock a deeper part of your heart.
🔐Here are my 10 proven secrets + strategies for moving on after a breakup to heal your heart and open up to love again.
These secrets helped me successfully move on when I applied them and committed to them- daily!
Cut-off contact:
It can be tempting to keep in touch with your ex, especially if you were in a long-term relationship. However, it's important to give yourself space and time to heal. This means cutting off contact, at least for a while. This includes unfollowing them on social media, no longer stalking their Snapchat, and not reaching out to them. YES, I know how much fun stalking your ex is but it’s not healthy for you mentally, spiritually, or emotionally.
This is a very important form of self-care and self-love as it stops the addiction to keep reaching towards the person + pain hoping that you will find a resolve someone from the same source that is linked to the pain. In sexual play this is a kink known as mas·och·ist which is a person who derives sexual gratification from their pain or humiliation…this won’t help you move on when you keep flooding your body with hormones that keep you attached to this person, allowing yourself to feel ignited by the pain.
CUT IT OFF Honey, you deserve a love that only brings you the type of masochist pain that you ask for and both parties agree on 😉
Focus on self-care:
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This means getting enough sleep, eating well, seeing girlfriends even when you feel like hiding, and engaging in activities that bring you JOY. It's also important to allow yourself to feel your emotions and healthily process them but to not get lost in them as you. Self- Care means practicing all the ways to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually and using sensuality is a big KEY to its care. Helping you stay in your mind and not escape into the spiral of the mind.
3. Work with a Coach:
A coach can help you work through your emotions and provide support during this difficult time. A great coach can also help you develop healthy coping strategies, heal your inner child wounds that have come up as well as teach you the skillset on how to develop healthier boundaries. It’s also amazing to get outside support than just your friend or people who know you because they can give you tools, techniques, and support from a place that is 100% focused on helping you heal and become more empowered from a professional place. I do offer 1:1 coaching by application only so if you want support from me as your coach you can fill out the application and set up an assessment here.
4. Find a support system:
Surround yourself with friends and family who care about you and are there for you. It's important to have people you can talk to and lean on during this time. DO NOT talk to people who keep asking you questions about your relationship not working out, keep pressing for more information about it or that you feel are not truly supporting you at this healing moment in time. It’s ok to say NO to friends that are not being helpful and have some space between them as well as explore support systems like women's circles, dance groups, or other places where like-minded women will feel more supported during this sensitive time.
5. Keep Creative:
Keeping your creativity flowing is a big key here that I wish I had known. Yes, you can keep yourself busy as a way to help take your mind off of the breakup and prevent you from dwelling on negative thoughts, but USING your pain to make ART becomes healing in itself. Engage in creative activities that you enjoy, such as painting, drawing, coloring, singing, dancing, and anything else that sparks that creative energy inside of you.
6. Take a break from dating:
Take your time in the beginning. Hone your discernment. There is no rush to get into a relationship straight away before you have healed and integrated the opportunities that this last relationship presented for your growth. You have the chance to get to know your heart more deeply, your blueprint (beliefs + stories) about love, and what kind of future relationship YOU truly desire. Use this sacred time to focus on yourself and heal.
When you're ready, you can start to think about dating again but don’t use dating as a form of escaping your heartache as what we don’t learn we repeat.
If you do meet someone during this time that sparks your interest - remember there’s NO RUSH if it’s right. Move into abundance + trust // Scarcity here.
7. Learn from the experience:
Reflect on the relationship and try to identify any patterns or issues that may have contributed to the breakup from both sides. We always are given lessons from a breakup, even if we’re not the ones doing the breaking up. Use this knowledge to grow and improve when you enter into your future relationship so that you can do better in creating your boundaries, communicating authentically from your heart, manage projections or expectations. Be honest - where did you settle, ignore your intuition, stay too long, ignored signs…this is how you grow through internal reflection.
8. Practice Forgiveness:
It's important to let go of any resentment or anger towards your ex. This doesn't mean you have to be friends with them, but holding onto negative emotions will only hold you back from moving on. It’s also important that you practice forgiving yourself and having compassion for others.
9. Set boundaries:
If you do decide to remain friends with your ex, it's important to set boundaries to ensure that you are both able to move on. This includes not discussing the relationship or your feelings for each other. One of my key rules for this that I tell my coaching clients is this
Give yourself 1/3rd of the time that you were dating to heal and not engage with your ex as friends until after that time. So if you were dating for 2.5 years - give yourself 4 months to have a clear energetic boundary- then you can see about rebuilding your friendship.
10. Don't rush into a new relationship:
It can be tempting to try to move on by immediately jumping into a new relationship. However, it's important to take the time to heal and make sure you are ready for a new commitment. A new relationship will not heal the wound of heartache - it may fill a void of companionship but with your heart still healing, your mind will still be stuck on the past and therefore you will only be reliving the same painful experience with a new person which is not fair for either of you. GET CLEAR on your relationship design - the qualities you truly want your partner to embody. So many women I coach try to skip this step because they feel like they’re the prize and ready to move on but when they met a new guy who “looks” on paper like their next best match - the same unresolved material stuff comes up for them when they enter straight away into a new relationship dynamic. LUXURIATE in your ideal love life vision and spend time here so that you can rewire your nervous system with how this new love will FEEL.
The key piece here is to tune in to the way you feel in their presence - how they speak to you, treat you, the way your nervous system feels when they are around, what you two would be doing together that lights you both up and who champions you and believe in your dreams.
